Peinguins of Gravity Falls
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: The penguins have infiltrated the Mystery Shack! Will their cover be blown?...And if so what'll happen then? And why is their so much strange activity in Gravity Falls lake recently?...
1. Chapter 1

**The Penguins of Gravity Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Grunkle Stan snorted as he heard a knock at his door. He moans as he forces himself awake and to open the door...Just in time to see a delivery truck leave his property...And a large crate laying in the middle of his property?

Stan frowns as he goes over to inspect it. He looks at the tag. "Happy Anniversary...Uncle Al?" Read Stan out loud. "Huh, they must have sent it to me by mistake...Oh, well! Their loss!" Shouts Stan before he gleefully starts to open it up...Revealing 4 cute penguins in a specially built fridge/cage.

CHA-CHING! Shouts Stan as dollar signs appear in his eyes. He quickly drags it into the Shack and sets it up so it'll be ready for the morning rush-

Stans eye's widened. "Shoot that's right! My niece and nephew are coming today! I need to get ready!" Stan quickly runs out of the room...For a while all is silence...

"Are we clear?" Asked Skipper. "Were good to go!" Shouted kowalski. Skipper nodded. "Right, Kowalski implant a surveillance system in this structure- "Rico! Go out and make sure our munition supplies made it to the rendezvous point and secure it- "What about me Skipper!?" Shouts Private eagerly. Skipper grabbed him and gave him an affectionate noggie. "I want you to look cute and cuddly Private, cute and cuddly!"

And so the penguins got to work securing their new home...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Penguins of Gravity Falls ch. 2**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

As his sister, Wendy and the teens drove out to have a night on the town...Dipper thought about all the strange things that happened the last couple of weeks-

…...

 _The Pines twins were speeding away from the the giant unholy conglomerate of gnomes. It was gaining swiftly and-_

 _ **BOOM!**_

 _The twins look back baffled as the gnomes explode in a fiery inferno. "Well that was anti-climactic." Stated Mabel flatly. Dipper just looked at her in disbelief..._

…...

" _It was crazy! A flash of black and white flew past my eyes and suddenly my Gobbelwonker was kaput!" Explained old man Mcgucket to a curious Dipper..._

… _..._

 _-"_ _You really think you can outwit me boy? I'm Sherlock bleeding Holmes! Have you seen my magnifying glass?! It's-_

 _ **BANG!**_

 _Wax Sherlock Holmes head explodes from the impact of the sniper bullet. The rest of his body collapses over the side. Dipper takes a moment to calm his rapidly beating heart. He then looks around confused._

" _Hello?" He asks out loud cautiously. There was nothing but silence. "Is anyone there?" Again, nothing but silence. "Whoever you are...Thank you!"..._

… _..._

 _Gideon laughs. " Oh tell me, Dipper: is this fake?" Suddenly all the merchandise begins to levitate right before Dipper horrified eyes-_

 _ **BOOM!**_

 _The room was full of smoke! Dipper could hear Gideon panic! "What is this!? What- SMACK! WHACK! CRACK!_

 _Dipper tries to get a better look through the smog...But all he can see is-_ _ **A flash of black and white!**_ _Thinks Dipper to himself as he remembers Mcgucket's words. When the smoke cleared...Gideon was gone..._

… _..._

No one had seen Gideon since that day. Dipper pondered what this meant...clearly someone was protecting them...but who? And why? It was then that they made it to their destination. Dipper shook his head. He'd worry about that later, right now it was time to impress Wendy and her friends!

Dipper was quick to leave the car. Mabel only pauses long enough to give her pet penguin Private a warm cuddle before following after him.

…...

Meanwhile, the rest of the penguins; having followed the kids. Are now entering the air ducts of the Dusk '2' Dawn.

"Oh, boy. A haunted convenience store...I wonder what'll happen." Says an exasperated Kowalski sarcastically.

"Okay, Kowalski. We get it! The last several weeks have destroyed all your cherished personal beliefs, and your annoyed that it's just one catastrophe after another with these kids!" Says an equally annoyed Skipper.

"Well, suck it up Mr! Privates fond of the girl. And since she sneaks extra helpings of fish to us under the old man's nose; That makes her aces in my book too! Besides her brothers grown on me. He's adventurous, stubborn, filled with guile, a first rate control-freak, and willing to do anything to make everyone else admit they were wrong!...It's like a younger me." Skipper pauses just long enough to brush a tear from his eye.

"Besides we have nothing but time on our hands until Blowhole shows himself!...why hasn't he shown himself? I just don't get it! Our intel was solid! And yet it's been weeks and we haven't seen hide-nor-flipper of him! What is he-

"Skipper! Somethings going down!"

…...

Dipper hadn't known what to expect in that store(aside from moldy, expired food)...But two elderly ghosts tied up and gagged behind the counter were not one of them.

"Okay...this is so going on my blog!" Exclaimed Tambry. Wendy shot her a disbelieving look. While everyone was just staring in shock, Dipper walked over and tore off the gag.

PA ghost gasped! "Run! He's a madman! Even teenagers don't deserve such a fate! we-

 **ZAP!**

Went the laser that incinerated the ghosts

 **CLANG!**

Went the metal sheeting as it feel into place, trapping them inside.

…...

"Steady men." Urged Skipper. "Don't give away our position until we know what were dealing with- The all-too-familiar laugh that blared throughout the store froze Skippers blood.

…...

It froze the kids blood too. Mabel squeezed Private harder in her fright. While Private tried desperately not to whimper.

"Well, well, well, well, well." says a voice that sounds as if it's coming everywhere at once. "If it isn't Maya-beeeel Peeeeeiiineees, Dip-pie-er Peeeeiinees, and Weind-die-eeey!...Also some side-characters that no one really cares about." The voice says that last part dismissively.

HEY! Shouts said side-characters. Dipper, also summons up his courage. "Okay, first off: that's not even close to how you pronounce our names! Second, who are you!?"

Suddenly, at the back of the store a dark silhouette emerges. "'Who', may not be the right question to ask my boy." Said the silhouette smugly as it began to move forward.

…...

Kowalski and Rico are about to jump forward. But Skipper quickly stops them. "Hold it men! Clearly that's a decoy to lure us out and trap us! Blowhole of course won't be here himself, that would risk him breaking the 'Golden Rule' of the Narwhal convention!"

The other two penguin nodded. Breaking 'that' rule was enough to unite the entire Animal Kingdom against you! Skipper also nods. "Right, so that must be a robot or something. And he must be transmitting his voice. Kowalski- "Already on it, sir!" Shouts Kowalski as he tries to find and triangulate Blowhole's signal.

…...

"I must say, I have rather enjoyed watching your little misadventures day after day." Admits the silhouette as it continues to advance. "Despite the fact that it's all very first season stuff. Having the protagonist at first be more aloof to the secrets of the mysterious town then anything. Making him have a 'stay out of trouble, have a good time, maybe catch the eye of his love interest' attitude. It's a good way to flesh out world building and character development before you hit them with Cerberus syndrome in the second season, I'll give you that."

"What? What are you talking about?" Asked a confused Dipper. The silhouette just laughed as it came forward. "But all good thing come to an end. Even the greatest of shows can fall to meddling...Especially when they jump the shark-

At that moment, the shadows left completely, exposing the 'guy' for all to see! -Or should I say Dolphin?" Finished Dr. Blowhole with a smirk.

…...

The penguins gaped in horror. Blowhole...Blowhole broke the 'golden rule!' "Holy butter balls! What has he done!?" Shouts a horrified Skipper!

…...

"Okay, everyone else sees the talking dolphin right?" Asks a bewildered Thompson. THIS ISN'T RIGHT! THE DOLPHIN GOES SQUEAK! THE DOLPHIN GOES SQUEAK! Shouts a horrified Mabel.

Blowhole laughed. "I'm afraid your animal sound toy has mislead you...mislead you all! But tonight I shall help you see the light!...why don't we start with you Private?"

Mabel looked down on her pet penguin in confused concern. "Private? What's he go to do with this?"

…...

"He's going to blow Privates cover! We need emergency takedown and extraction now!"

 **BOOM!**

They set off a smoke bomb and quickly tried to takeout blowhole and get everyone to safety-

 **FWOOM!**

The smoke was gone! They were exposed! "Wha- are those the penguins from the Shack?" Asked a confused Wendy.

Blowhole cakled as he turned off his hover-fans. Aisle 12: fans, revelations, and certain Doom!" He mocked.

Dipper meanwhile, was connecting the dots. "Wait a minute...smoke...black and white...talking animals." He looks down at the penguins. "It's you isn't it? Your the one's who have been protecting us!" Mabel looked at Private hurt. "Private?" She asked tearfully.

Private sighed. "I'm sorry I lied to you Mabel. But I really do value our friendship! I hope this isn't a deal-breaker...But I understand if you want nothing more to do with me." He said somberly.

Mabel sighs "I can't stay mad at you, you lovable lug!" She admits as she gives him another affectionate squeeze.

"I'm so confused!" Shouted a bewildered and freaked out Robbie.

Skipper ignored this and turned to Blowhole. "Blowhole! You mad fiend! Do you realize what you've just done!?"

Blowhole rolled his eyes. "Yes. Yes. I've broken rule of the narwhal convention. I've talked in front of humans. And now the Animal Kingdom will put aside it's chaotic in-fighting/eating and unite against me!" He says melodramatically.

Skipper looked taken back. "Uh...yeah...that's actually it in a nutshell...wait, why aren't you more upset about this?" He asked bewildered.

Blowhole laughed. "Well, Peing-You-innns! It's for the simple fact that after tonight the 'golden rule' along with 'age of man'; will be a thing of the past! And I will usher in a golden age of animal domination with me as it's supreme ruler!"

"Not on our watch blowhole!" Shouts Skipper. "You might want to check the time again." Quipped Blowhole.

Right on que they found themselves surrounded by an army of crustaceans!

 **CHROME CLAW!**

A giant lobster appeared out of nowhere and towered over them! "You wanna dance pretty boy?" Says the beast to Robbie.

Multiple things happen at once: Robbie wets himself and runs screaming, Thompson, Nate and Lee do the same, Tambry(somehow) blogs the whole thing...Everyone else springs into action.

Rico spits out an Ax to Wendy, who quickly get over her disbelief(and disgust) and begins to tear through the horde. Mabel brings out her grappling hook and shoots several of the crabs in the eyes while Private(tries) to defend her. Dipper meanwhile, is frantically shouting every spell he can read in the journal to sow chaos amongst Blowholes troops.

And the Penguins...they just keep being awesome! And Blowhole...he's smirking while taking time for tea?

 **...several hours of non-stop fighting latter...**

"Die! Die! Die already you stupid appetizer!" Screamed a weary and battered Mabel as she repeatedly smashes a lobster carcass.

"Mabel! It's dead! Were safe! It can't hurt us anymore!" Assures Private. Skipper turns to Blowhole. "Well, blowhole? Want a serving of knuckle-sandwich or will you let us give you your just desserts?" "Ugh, that was just terrible!" pointed out Dipper.

Blowhole smirked. "Hmmm...No thanks, I'm stuffed from that huge victory sundae I had an hour ago! TTFN!"

 **ZAP!**

When the flash of light ended, he was gone. Dipper frowned. "I don't like the sound of that." Skipper nodded. "Rico! Make us an exit! Kowalski! Re-establish communication with central command!"

It took several hours for Rico to blow through the reinforced Steel, and only then did they finally hear the news from central command-

 _ **Humanity is dead...**_

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **The name pronunciation by Blowhole was given by "** **StoriesUnleashed"**

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	3. Chapter 3

**The Penguins of Gravity Falls ch. 3**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

They failed...for the first time ever...The penguins **hadn't** saved the day. Blowhole...Blowhole won. For while he distracted them at the store...he'd released a devastating virus that killed every last human... **Outside** Gravity Falls.

Yes, for some reason. Blowhole had spared the humans of this small town...Needless to say, Skipper suspected a sinister ulterior motive...

And for once, Central Command agreed! They ordered him and his team to remain in the town and figure out what Blowhole is up to.

As for the Humans...they were now declared an 'endangered' species by the United Animal Kingdom Council(UAKC). After which, they promptly sent a 're-population coordinator' to help then reproduce 'properly'.

So of course they sent-

"Ringtail!?" Exclaimed a horrified Skipper. "Yep!" Shouts King Julien. "The Chancellor owed me for getting him 'party-ready' for Spring break."

CURSE YOU POLITICS! Screamed Skipper. Meanwhile, Kowalski feels it's best to hand out: **So an idiot is about to screw over your species and make them extinct** pamphlets to the humans...

…...

Needless to say the village people didn't take well to the 'humanity is almost extinct and now you have to obey a talking Lemur' thing.

It took Clover breaking several Bones to get them take things serious...More progressive people then tried to bargain their way out.

"Perhaps we can reach some form of 'arrangement'." Said Preston Northwest as he handed Julien a large stack of Bills.

Julien smiles, accepts them, sincerely thanks the man...the horrifies everyone by wiping himself with it in front of the gathered townsfolk.

To say that the Northwests didn't take well the fact that most of their money was now worthless in this 'new world' is a severe understatement.

Stan laughed at the sight of Preston's breakdown. "HA! Yes! I knew investing in gold was the way to go!" Julien looks at him curiously. "You mean the shiny rocks? Sorry, those are useless now too."

While Stan sulked. Skipper listed off what was now currency: Bees, roadkill, Mr. Winkies chocolate bars, foosa teeth and cheese doodles.

To say that the town didn't react well to the fact that Old Man Mcgucket was now the richest human alive, would be an even **bigger** understatement...and the news didn't get better from there-

-First order of business: Pair you all into breeding partners!" Exclaimed King Julien. Everyone just looked on in horror as Julien grabbed two paper airplanes.

"Oh, Frank the sky God! Guide these planes!" He shouts as he sends them forth-

 **OW!**

Cried Lee as he rubbed his eye

 **OW!**

Cried Nate as he rubbed his eye as well

"By the power invested in me, I pronounce you man and wife!" Shouts Julien. Both boys look at him in horror. "Dude! You can't do that! Were both dudes!"

Julien gives them a weird look. "What dose that have to do with anything? Just go to the baby patch during a full moon to get a baby like everyone else!"

There was a long, awkward silence. Wendy was the first to speak up: "Wait, do you understand how human reproduction works-

-"I don't want to hear the end of any sentences!" Exclaimed Julien. Who then began to throw more planes.

 **OW! OW! OW!**

Meanwhile; Nate and Lee start up Rock-Paper-scissors to decide who'll be the 'man'.

…...

Pizza guy chuckled nervously. "I could've done worse mother." he points out. His mom just glares back. "Speak for yourself." She says coldly.

…...

"Yah ready for one good eye and one good pie?" Asked Susan suggestively to a horrified Preston Northwest.

…...

"So...Do you...Like...stuff?" Asked a flustered Soos to an equally flustered Melody.

…...

 _He's the richest man in town...this is a good thing._ Priscilla Northwest reassured herself as Mcgucket lead her to where he kept his 'hobo scab spices'.

…...

Having successfully placed controllers on a couple of planes, Kowalski signaled Skipper. Skipper smirked. The way Ringtail was running things, the human race wouldn't last the year!...unless he took matters into his hands.

He turns to see a nervous Dipper and an even more nervous Wendy. _Hmmm...a younger, human version of me hybridized with a hot-blooded battle-axe...Sounds perfect to me!_

Quickly he uses the remote to send the plane-

 **OW!**

Right into Dippers eye!

 _One down, one to go._ Thought Skipper as he maneuvered the other one-

 **OW!**

Cried Tambry!?

"Gah! Full reverse!" Shouted Skipper as he made the plane do just that. Maybe he could still salvage-

 **OW!**

Shouted Pacifica.

-Or not. ABORT! ABORT! DIVE! DIVE! Shouted Skipper as he shuts down the controller, causing the plane to fall-

 **OW!**

-Right into Wendy's eye.

 _Oh, sure. Now, it hits her._ Thinks an annoyed Skipper as he wondered how to remedy the situation- Wait why was Ringtail laughing?

"Well, well, well. Mr. Dipper! Frank has smiled down upon you! I hereby pronounce you man, wife, wife, and wife!"

WAIT, WHAT!? Shouts everyone.

"Dude! You can't just give three girls to one guy!" Shouts an irritated Robbie.

"Can and have!" Julien.

But you-

SHUT YOUR BU!

You can't just-

SLEEPY PU!

Robbie throws his hands up in exasperated defeat.

Meanwhile, Dipper addresses his...'wives'. "Right...okay...Look I have no idea what to do here...do I..Do I buy you all dinner or something?" He asks all flustered.

Wendy, still irritated by having this all forced on her so quickly is about to angrily retort-

 **growl**

She blushes as her stomach rumbles. She sighs. "Yeah, that sounds great." She says in a resigned voice as they walk off.

Robbie glares as the girl he loves walks off with the guy he hates...along with two other girls no less! Where'd that stupid squirrel and his phoney-baloney 'Sky God' get off-

 **OW! OW! OW!**

"I pronounce you man, wife, and wife!" Shouts Julien. "But I'm a guy." Says Thompson as he rubs his eye. Julien laughs. "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

Mabel giggles. "Two older guys? Mabel's moving up in the world!" Shouts an excited Mabel.

Robbie goes deathly pale at the sight of both his 'wives' "Someone shoot me now." He says out loud...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	4. Chapter 4

**The Penguins of Gravity Falls ch. 4**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Robbie groaned as he woke up. He gave a sigh of relief. _Oh, thank Glob. It was just a dream-_

HELLO!

Screams Mabel as she jumps on the bed, unintentionally kneeing Robbie in the groin. While he's whimpering Mabel hands him breakfast in bed. "Hey hubby! I thought I'd start your day off right with a nice breakfast! I hope your as happy to see it as it is to see you!" She says jokingly as she points out that it's shaped like a smiley face.

Still in tears, Robbie glares at her. "How did you get into my house?" He asks irritably. Oblivious to his tone, Mabel smiles back. "Your mom gave me a key." She explained.

Robbie groaned. "Of course she did." He states irritably. It was all coming back to him now... As if to further prove how much the universe hates him. His parents had been paired up with each other...And of course they just loved their adorable new daughter-in-law!

"You'll also be happy to see I cleaned your room!" She exclaimed excitedly. Robbie's eye's widened in horror. His carefully arranged mess was gone! And so were his goth colors! They'd been replaced by bright, (shudder) friendly colors! And motivational kitten posters GAH!

Robbie looked at the window and wondered if a jump from that height would kill him...

…...

On the other side of town Wendy thought about last night...

 _After breaking into the now abandoned restaurant. Dipper turns to his 'wives'. "I just want you girls to know, that I don't want to make you do anything your not comfortable with...If you want to just wait until I'm mature enough to produce sperm, and just artificially inseminate yourselves, and then want nothing more to do with me...that's completely fine."_

 _With that said, Dipper then goes into the kitchen to prepare food for everyone._

 _Wendy took a deep breath and turned to the girls. "Okay, can we take a step back here and figure out how the hell we got into this messed-up situation and more importantly how were getting out of it?"_

 _Pacifica looks up irritably from her calculator and financial reports. "I can't...in case you've forgotten. My parents just ditched me, and my entire fortune is now apparently not worth the money it's printed on! So if you don't mind I'd like to focus on learning how much I can get for my deluxe-5 star mansion!" She shouts right before she takes another look at the report. "-Which apparently is 3 loafs of bread...Great, just great."... She says with increasing irritability._

 _Privately deciding to leave the little girl alone, the teen girls get to talking. "Right about that...should we try to get out of it?" Asked Tambry._

 _Wendy gives her friend a weird look. "What do you mean? Of course we should! Were in a three-way relationship with a 12 year-old! Words can't begin to describe how messed up that is!"_

 _Tambry sighed. "I know, I know. I'm just- I can't believe I'm the one saying this -Just thinking long term here."_

 _Wendy just looks at her confused. Tambry sighs. "Look Wendy...were the last of our species...That means the guys of Gravity Falls are the last in the world...Which means- let's be honest here -we don't have the luxury to be picky."_

 _Sudden mental images of Stan, Soos, and Toby Determined make Wendy shudder. "Point taken...but where dose that leave us then?"_

 _Tambry shrugged. "I don't know...you know Dipper better than me...is he a nice guy?" Wendy doesn't hesitate to nod. Tambry smiles. "Alright then, that alone puts him heads and shoulders above most of the guys in town...so how about we just let things take their course for now and see where things from there?"_

 _Wendy still wasn't completely sure...but Tambry did make some good points, so she agreed._

 _At that moment Dipper brings them food. "Hey Dipper, where's your food?" Asks Wendy concerned._

 _Dipper rubs his head sheepishly. "There was only enough for three meals...Which is fine, I wasn't hungry anyway." Says Dipper just as his stomach growls loudly._

 _Wendy smirks as she forces him to eat._ _ **Okay, maybe this won't be so bad.**_ _She thinks to herself..._

Wendy reminisce's as she watches Dipper head out on his first day of work(which mainly consists of the men of Gravity Falls doing whatever crazy crap King Julien can think of).

When he's gone, Wendy turns to Pacifica. "For the record; I want to say that you bribing Julien with Turkish delights to only allow the Guys to work was totally sexist...and brilliant!"

Pacifica politely thanks her as she goes back to eating snacks while watching T.V...

…...

Making sure Thompson had arrived in Robbies; Mabel turns to both of them. "Right, so I was thinking that we should take a day-out together; really get to know each other! Oh, maybe we can buy matching pigs! Or-

Robbie slams his knife and fork down. "Right, I think I've entertained this farce long enough."

He glares at Mabel. "Look, girl. I don't care what that crazy lemur said, were not married! And if I was, it wouldn't be to an obnoxious, weird 12 year-old I barely know!"

Mabel bursts into tears and runs from the room. Robbie scoffs and turns to Thompson. "Can you believe this gir-

 **CRACK!**

Thompson punches Robbie so hard in the face, several of his teeth ricochet across the room...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	5. Chapter 5

**The Penguins of Gravity Falls ch. 5**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Robbie had never been more terrified as the usually docile Thompson ran blow after blow!

"Dude, what's your problem!?" He screamed in fright as he tired to keep the dinner table in between him and Thompson.

Thompson glares at him. "My 'problem'; is that an amazing girl who in normal circumstances would've been way out of my league, is now crying!"

Robbie looks at him confused. "Out of your league? Dude, she's 12 and- Suddenly he trailed off. "Oh, wow. That still puts her out of your league."

Thompson nodded. "But more importantly; she loves and accepts me for who I am! She doesn't make me do horrible, demeaning things to win her friendship- LIKE SOME PEOPLE!"

He shouts as he tosses the table aside and continues to rain blows down on him. "And FYI!" Shouts Thompson as he continues to knock out his teeth.

"Call, your 'mascara' whatever you want! It's still make-up! People mock you for it all the time! Your music is like nails on a chalkboard. And the only thing about your tight pants that ever impressed the girls was how small your dick is!"

Robbie didn't know what hurt worse; his pancreas or his ego...Nope, strike that. Definitely his pancreas...and several other organs.

"Come on man, be reasonable!" Pleaded Robbie. "I was forced to marry a 12 year old! What, I'm just suppose to be happy about that?"

Thompson paused from the beating to shook his head. "No, if you want to leave 'waiting for Mabel to get older and impregnate her' to me, that's fine...But that doesn't excuse you making a sweet girl; who was just trying to make this less awkward for you- WHILE COPING WITH THE DEATH OF HER PARENTS! -,cry!"

That last bit of information took the wind right out of Robbie's sails! "Wait, what!? Her parents died?" He exclaimed in shock.

Thompson looked at him incredulous. "Are you kiddin- YES! Her parents live outside Gravity Falls! Honestly, Wendy told us that before we meet the twins! Were you seriously not paying attention!?"

Robbie flustered. "Well"... "Unbelievable! Could you be more self-centered!?" Screamed Thompson as he began to advance again.

Now Robbie was the first to admit he wasn't a 'nice guy'...but still, he had his ethical standards...They weren't large, but they were there! And they were telling him that making a recently orphaned girl cry was wrong!...The fact that Thompson was about to wail on him also didn't hurt his decision...

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! I'll apologize to Mabel and whatever else you want me to do!" Thompson just smirked...

…...

After hashing out a few more 'details'. It was agreed that Robbie would apologize and let Mabel down easy and let Thompson handle 'essential' parts of the marriage solo.

They then try to track Mabel down. While doing this, they find themselves at the local swap meet. Where Thompson finds himself buying a special mirror from a witch; that she claims can show a person what the person standing in front of them will look like in a couple years.

Now too afraid of Thompson to mock him...Robbie instead humors him by looking at it as well...and he's amazed!

The mirror works! They see all sorts of things! Toby's disastrous attempt at a mullet. Candy going cyberpunk. Tats having a sex-change. And-

A drop-dead gorgeous, hell on heels, stone cold fox! Wendy and Tambry had nothing on this girl! She was in a whole other league! The two boy were spellbound! Who was this angel!? They looked down from the mirror-

 **HELLO!**

Shouted Mabel in front of them. Both boys turned scarlet and quickly hid the mirror...so many confused, conflicting emotions were surging through them.

Mabel sighed as she turned to Robbie. "Listen Robbie, I'm sorry about earlier. If your more comfortable with not having anymore to do with me-

"What!? NO! It was totally my fault!" Exclaimed Robbie. "I was being a total jerk! In fact, I thought about it...and I want to give this...uh, 'relationship' a shot!"

Mabel squealed. "Awesome! You won't regret this! Were going to make an amazing family! I'll go get the bedazzler!" Shouted Mabel as she ran off.

When she was gone, Thompson glared at Robbie. "Your a real pervert, you know that?" Robbie glared back. "Oh, like your any different!" "Hey, I liked Mabel _before_ she was cool." Affirmed Thompson.

Robbie rolled his eyes. "Whatever". He said confidently...despite the tsunami of conflicting emotions and thoughts that rolled inside of him... " _What are the consequences of what I've just done?"_ Being the current, dominant anxiety...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	6. Chapter 6

**The Penguins of Gravity Falls ch. 6**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Robbie undressed as he entered the bathroom...it had been a long day. It had been a week since he'd decided to stick with Mabel. And in exchange for Thompson not rating out his 'true reason' for doing this; he had to work alongside him to support their new 'family.'

This wouldn't be so bad...if the death of the vast majority of the human population hadn't killed the economy and most of the usual businesses. So for the moment, the only game in town was any job King Julien could create...and what he created was pain!

Foosa decoys? Being a body-double to handle murderous crocodile diplomacy? Being shot to the moon to claim it for lemur-kind? It was insanity! Robbie had been scratched, bitten, burned, and liquidated in places he didn't know he had!

And he still didn't know what to make of the whole Mabel-situation! That was so messed up! He hadn't been anywhere near the mirror since 'that'...but every time he saw her...he pictured her as a teenager...

Robbie sighed. _I have a sick, messed up mind._ Concluded Robbie as he let his towel drop-

 **HELLO!**

Screamed Mabel as she burst into the bathroom, and froze. Both kids turned scarlet...Mabel slowly backed out of the room and closed the door...

Robbie, getting over his shocked mortification finally covered himself. _What the- Seriously, Mom!? You gave her the key to the bathroom_ _ **too!?**_ _Who dose that!?_

Mabel, outside the door tried to comprehend what she just witnessed. "Wow...he's even smaller than Dipper...how's that even physically possible?" She said out loud.

"I can still hear you!" Screeched Robbie...

…...

Pacifica, Wendy, and Tambry relaxed on the couch...All the 'money' Dipper brought in was keeping them content. _Doesn't get any better than this._ Thinks Wendy as she reaches into the popcorn. Only to suddenly shriek out in surprise when a chameleon appeared right on top of it!

The girls immediately recognized her as Masikura; King Julien's mystic adviser! "Enjoying your freedom from work and responsibility?" She said sardonically.

Wendy laughs. "You know it!" The other girls heartily agreed. Masikura simply frowned. "And what about Dipper? Is he enjoying it?" She asked blankly.

The girls frowned. They'd been too busy partying to notice...But now that she mentioned it...They realized they hadn't really seen Dipper in days.

Wendy smiled. "Hey, let's surprise him at work, give him some grub! As a thank you for all he's done for us." The other two girls shrugged, they didn't have anything better to do.

Masikura simply looked at them. "I know right where he is right now, I'll take you to him." She said blankly...

…...

Wendy vomited. She and the other girls hadn't stopped vomiting since Masikura brought them to the hospital in a Cave.

The whole place was filled with horribly injured men! It also became quickly clear that it wasn't just Julien's jobs that was causing the injuries-

"Durland came in for a hangnail, and you ripped out his whole arm!" Screamed an enraged Blubs at Dr. S.

"That's a clear case of malpractice!" Dr. S chuckled. "Silly policeman, it doesn't count as malpractice when you operate OUT OF A CAVE!(cue lightning)"

Masikura shows them to Dippers room...it's not a pretty sight. Masikura sighs. "He's been in here more then anyone else...He works more and harder then anyone else. Double shifts, triple shifts! Accepting only the most high-paying(and therefore most deadly) jobs!...All to prove to you that he could be a dependable husband to you girls!"

She glares at them. "Freedom doesn't seem so sweet anymore, dose it?" Says Masikura flatly. The girls didn't answer...they were too busy crying(and vomiting) over Dippers mangled body...

…...

It took a day, but Pacifica was able to convince Julien to reverse his 'only males can work' ruling.

The girls then set Dipper up to relax at home, quietly told him to take it easy...and threatened bodily harm if he even thought about doing anything BUT relaxing...

The girls then went to work, after all; how bad could it be?

…...

HOW ARE THEIR ALIGATORS IN OREGON!? THAT DOSEN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! Screamed a battered Tambry as the trio ran from a swarm of rabid crocodiles with lasers strapped to their heads!

…...

Meanwhile, deep below Gravity Falls lake...Blowhole laughed. His plan had worked perfectly! By giving immunity of his virus to the residence of Gravity Falls; he made Skipper and his team believe that Gravity Falls was crucial to his plans!

And while it was to his endgame...everything else? That was being outsourced far away from here! By the time Skipper realized they'd been duped...it would be far too late!

Still, best not take any chances. The more things to keep Skipper occupied until he was ready, the better! Besides, even if this plan went south; it'll still be worth it if the human race was extinguished forever!

He briefly checks on his rift-fixer, and smirks. The reality rift that existed in this town was now permanently sealed; that troublesome Bill and Ford would never be returning here!

He laughs as he reaches the meeting room. He looks around the room to the occupants.

Rat King; A lab experiment gone horribly wrong that now rules all rats with an iron fist.

Karl; a fiendish, overly-dramatic fanaloka who is obsessed with defeating Julien.

Hans; The Danish Puffin super-spy.

Mary Ann; the super-intelligent Foosa leader!

Savio; the diabolical Boa-constrictor mastermind!

Dave; the vengeful marine biologist octopus.

The Red Squirrel; former Soviet spymaster and KGB enforcer.

King Julien The Terrible;...the less said about this one the better...

Blowhole nods to them. "Comrades; as you know my plan to use both my contacts in the (UAKC) and the members with anti-human sentiments to put Julien in charge of Gravity Falls was a success!"

Everyone laughed at that. Blowhole nodded. "Predictably, between his poor leadership and his quack doctor friend...half the town is already dead!"

He points to a monitor that graphed the human deaths. "Still...things could be going faster...that's where you come in."

He turns to them. "1,000 Mr. Winkies for every human killed. And 1,000,000 for every penguin or Mystery Shack gang Member!" He exclaimed.

The all agreed to these terms and left. Blowhole smiled as they left. _If they succeed the penguins, their potentially dangerous human allies, and humanity will die! If they fail, the penguins will continue to focus their attention here instead of the rest of the world...Either way, I win..._

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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